In early 2012, a five-minute mockumentary written by playwright David Tristram went viral on the internet. The video satirised benefit scroungers and starred actress Gill Jordan as Doreen Tipton, a Black Country-born woman suffering from Lazy Cow Syndrome. Now established as one of the most remarkable comic creations of modern times, Doreen took time off from avoiding work to speak to What’s On...
Have your doctors and consultants given you any hope for the future in terms of your Lazy Cow Syndrome?
There's apparently no cure, but I've become an ambassador for a local charity called the LCA - the Lazy Cows Association - and I sometimes get involved in fundraising events. I'm currently in training to watch a half marathon.
Are you benefit free now?
All my benefits are free - that's the whole point of them. Besides, it's in my blood.
What are the best and worst bits of being a celebrity?
The worst bits are probably being asked to answer stupid questions for magazines. There aren't any best bits.
Tell us about your relationship with Robert Plant?
He told me not to tell anybody that I had a relationship with him. He's got a girlfriend.
If you could choose anyone in the Black Country to have a selfie with - dead or alive - who would it be?
Probably not the dead one. Although even then they'd probably still smile more than me. I normally get my next-door neighbour Doris to do my selfies for me, because I'm not very good with technology.
You're invited to appear on a reality TV programme of your choice, what would be your first option?
I quite like the Jeremy Vile show. Good family entertainment. And it would be good to finally get those DNA results. There was a rumour I was the love-child of a royal scandal.
What’s your biggest inspiration?
Sleep.
Where's your favourite holiday destination?
Nowhere foreign. Especially Wales.
We live in interesting political times, Doreen. The EU referendum will have happened by the time this issue of What's On hits the streets, but our readers would no doubt like to know your views on the EU...
I don't normally tend to get involved in politics, but the EU thing did get me fired up. I don’t like the idea of being ruled by unerected Bureauprats, all being paid loads on some big gravy boat. If we can save £350 million a week, I want some of it.
In your eyes, who's the sexiest Nigel Farage or Jeremy Corbin?
Are they members of boy bands? I tend not to watch X-Factor.
If you were an American, would you vote for Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump?
I like Donald Trumpet. I especially liked his idea of building a big wall to keep the foreigners out. If I was Prime Minister the first thing I'd do is build a wall around the Black Country to keep out the Brummies. And if any Brummies reading this are offended, think of it this way. The same wall would keep the Yam-Yams out of Brum, so it's a win-win.
Who's your favourite member of the royal family and why?
I quite like the corgis. Although I am a great admirer of HMV The Queen, or to use her formal title, Elizabeth Vagina. She is a perfect example of how a woman in modern Britain can bring up a family successfully on benefits. She's become a sort of rogue model for me. I think she'll do well.
What would be the worst things about moving to Birmingham?
I think I'd find it tough learning a new language at my age. And it's probably changed a bit since I last went there, in 1963. And that was a mistake - I got on the wrong bus. I'm not sure if they still have segregation there - like they did in South America when Nelson Mandelson was President - but I wouldn't like to see Brummies and Yam-Yams inter-breeding. It's not right, even though the Government tend to encourage multifunctionalism these days. You'd end up with loads of Yum-Yums, or Brammies.
Looking back on your life to date, what would you say is your biggest regret?
All of it, really. Although as I get older I see there are compensations, such as winter fuel allowance.
How will being in panto at The Grand enhance your Christmas?
Well, for the first time in years I'll be able to see my own kids this Christmas. They're due to be released soon and they've promised to come to the show, if they can get a free ticket. I don’t like the idea of the matinees though - that's my afternoon nap ruined. Anyway, I'm looking forward to it. I've just got to concentrate now on trying to learn my line.
Beyond Panto, what does the future hold for Doreen Tipton?
I've just launched an exciting new venture called Doreen TV - my own online comedy channel for the Black Country. If I had a pound for every time somebody said I should be on the telly, I'd probably have about three quid by now, but I got bored waiting for some London bloke in a suit to make his mind up, so I started my own. It's loads of bite-sized loffs on video, taken from the shows over the years. And new stuff is being added all the time, including spoofs of just about everything from Time Team to Top Gear, and footage from the live stage shows - stuff you'll never see on YouTube. I want it to grow and develop into a unique comedy channel for the Black Country (including Brummies), so I need folk to rally round and support it. A Doreen VIP pass costs just £12 for a whole year - less than the price of one live ticket - I bet most Black Country folk spend more than that in snuff. You can check it out and subscribe on doreen.tv
Doreen’ brings her Grand Night Out to St George’s Hall, Bewdley on Sat 9 July; Grand Theatre, Wolverhampton, on Wed 13 and Thurs 14 July; Lichfield Garrick on Fri 15 July and Highbury Theatre, Sutton Coldfield on Sat 16 July. Doreen will also star in the Grand Theatre’s pantomime, Aladdin, from Sat 10 Dec 2016 to Sun 22 Jan 2017
In early 2012, a five-minute mockumentary written by playwright David Tristram went viral on the internet. The video satirised benefit scroungers and starred actress Gill Jordan as Doreen Tipton, a Black Country-born woman suffering from Lazy Cow Syndrome. Now established as one of the most remarkable comic creations of modern times, Doreen took time off from avoiding work to speak to What’s On...
Have your doctors and consultants given you any hope for the future in terms of your Lazy Cow Syndrome?
There's apparently no cure, but I've become an ambassador for a local charity called the LCA - the Lazy Cows Association - and I sometimes get involved in fundraising events. I'm currently in training to watch a half marathon.
Are you benefit free now?
All my benefits are free - that's the whole point of them. Besides, it's in my blood.
What are the best and worst bits of being a celebrity?
The worst bits are probably being asked to answer stupid questions for magazines. There aren't any best bits.
Tell us about your relationship with Robert Plant?
He told me not to tell anybody that I had a relationship with him. He's got a girlfriend.
If you could choose anyone in the Black Country to have a selfie with - dead or alive - who would it be?
Probably not the dead one. Although even then they'd probably still smile more than me. I normally get my next-door neighbour Doris to do my selfies for me, because I'm not very good with technology.
You're invited to appear on a reality TV programme of your choice, what would be your first option?
I quite like the Jeremy Vile show. Good family entertainment. And it would be good to finally get those DNA results. There was a rumour I was the love-child of a royal scandal.
What’s your biggest inspiration?
Sleep.
Where's your favourite holiday destination?
Nowhere foreign. Especially Wales.
We live in interesting political times, Doreen. The EU referendum will have happened by the time this issue of What's On hits the streets, but our readers would no doubt like to know your views on the EU...
I don't normally tend to get involved in politics, but the EU thing did get me fired up. I don’t like the idea of being ruled by unerected Bureauprats, all being paid loads on some big gravy boat. If we can save £350 million a week, I want some of it.
In your eyes, who's the sexiest Nigel Farage or Jeremy Corbin?
Are they members of boy bands? I tend not to watch X-Factor.
If you were an American, would you vote for Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump?
I like Donald Trumpet. I especially liked his idea of building a big wall to keep the foreigners out. If I was Prime Minister the first thing I'd do is build a wall around the Black Country to keep out the Brummies. And if any Brummies reading this are offended, think of it this way. The same wall would keep the Yam-Yams out of Brum, so it's a win-win.
Who's your favourite member of the royal family and why?
I quite like the corgis. Although I am a great admirer of HMV The Queen, or to use her formal title, Elizabeth Vagina. She is a perfect example of how a woman in modern Britain can bring up a family successfully on benefits. She's become a sort of rogue model for me. I think she'll do well.
What would be the worst things about moving to Birmingham?
I think I'd find it tough learning a new language at my age. And it's probably changed a bit since I last went there, in 1963. And that was a mistake - I got on the wrong bus. I'm not sure if they still have segregation there - like they did in South America when Nelson Mandelson was President - but I wouldn't like to see Brummies and Yam-Yams inter-breeding. It's not right, even though the Government tend to encourage multifunctionalism these days. You'd end up with loads of Yum-Yums, or Brammies.
Looking back on your life to date, what would you say is your biggest regret?
All of it, really. Although as I get older I see there are compensations, such as winter fuel allowance.
How will being in panto at The Grand enhance your Christmas?
Well, for the first time in years I'll be able to see my own kids this Christmas. They're due to be released soon and they've promised to come to the show, if they can get a free ticket. I don’t like the idea of the matinees though - that's my afternoon nap ruined. Anyway, I'm looking forward to it. I've just got to concentrate now on trying to learn my line.
Beyond Panto, what does the future hold for Doreen Tipton?
I've just launched an exciting new venture called Doreen TV - my own online comedy channel for the Black Country. If I had a pound for every time somebody said I should be on the telly, I'd probably have about three quid by now, but I got bored waiting for some London bloke in a suit to make his mind up, so I started my own. It's loads of bite-sized loffs on video, taken from the shows over the years. And new stuff is being added all the time, including spoofs of just about everything from Time Team to Top Gear, and footage from the live stage shows - stuff you'll never see on YouTube. I want it to grow and develop into a unique comedy channel for the Black Country (including Brummies), so I need folk to rally round and support it. A Doreen VIP pass costs just £12 for a whole year - less than the price of one live ticket - I bet most Black Country folk spend more than that in snuff. You can check it out and subscribe on doreen.tv
Doreen’ brings her Grand Night Out to St George’s Hall, Bewdley on Sat 9 July; Grand Theatre, Wolverhampton, on Wed 13 and Thurs 14 July; Lichfield Garrick on Fri 15 July and Highbury Theatre, Sutton Coldfield on Sat 16 July. Doreen will also star in the Grand Theatre’s pantomime, Aladdin, from Sat 10 Dec 2016 to Sun 22 Jan 2017